By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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