ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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