he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
