I think I won the penis lottery.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
