wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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