So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
