What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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