I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
