Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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