She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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