Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
