is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
