1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
