how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
