I just cut my nipple shaving
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
