So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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