you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
