wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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