There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
