The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
