So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
