is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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