He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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