Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
