on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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