what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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