that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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