i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I won't apologize to a one balled man
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
