Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it's like iHOP with fire
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
