im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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