it hurts more in the daytime
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
