nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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