Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm really busy with my period
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