so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
