A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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