just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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