I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
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Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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