I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just had sex bonerless
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
