if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Damn victory sex feels great
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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