he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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