Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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