Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
