its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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