Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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