Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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