Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
