I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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