You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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