I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
