i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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