he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
