sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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