And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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