i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
