I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
