Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am midnight drunk by noon
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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