When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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