guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
