when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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