my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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