So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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