Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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