Are we in a gay sports bar?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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