White coat. Heels.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
