"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
