IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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