if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
