all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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