note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
