I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Everyone says I win the strip club
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
