And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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