K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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