I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
