peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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