I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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